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daretoslack

[ website | Seriously! ]
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[04 Aug 2005|11:37pm]
Stimpy's tumor has grown large over the weekend and she can barely open one of her eyes. My dad is going to try and make an appointment to put her to sleep tomorrow. Bare minimum, she'll be dead by saturday. That sucks. I miss my doggie already. She's sleeping downstairs after engorging herself with cheese (both cream AND american varieties), peanut butter, and dog snacks. Poor thing has to turn her head 90 degrees to see anything to her left. I think it hurts her to open her eye, and she just looks so damn sad. It sucks, but she's had the tumor for a long time, so I feel like I'm somewhat prepared. I'm already plotting to buy a couple sugar gliders, and I feel really bad about it. My beautiful little puppy is going away for forever, and it hurts. I don't know whether it'll be a good thing or a bad thing if I come home from work tomorrow and she's still here.
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I'm gonna' bathe in ham..! (I'm gonna' bathe in ham...) [08 Jul 2005|03:48pm]
"Ai then produces a gasoline can, and for some inexplicable and unfathomable reason, says "Let's burn the school down too!" Somehow, this actually seems like a good idea to the other two. So with Sayaka also getting into her kids clothes, the three of them play jump rope while the school burns down around them.

And that's it. That's how the porn ends."
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[08 Jul 2005|03:03am]
"I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work. Your head is too big."
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WAR UPON JAPAN [08 Jul 2005|01:57am]
I hate Japan. I hate all the yuppie bitches I have to overhear whining that in Tokyo, people would "really get them..!" while simultaniously complaining that everyone pronounces "AWN-EE-MAY" incorrectly. Fuck them. And fuck you, too. We all know that you've checked out those fucked up hand drawn big eyed 12 year old girl-on-girl-on-tentacle pictures "just to see what all the fuss was about". You make me sick.

Japan is an inferior island chock full of inferior people and inferior culture. And I have proof:

1. Ganguro- I never thought I'd say this, but I now know that it's possible to be too un-goth. There comes a point where you just look like a clown. A scary ganguro clown who I fear will rip my balls off before returning to the ganguro hive city with my delicious scrotal tissue to shove into the gaping chitinous mandibles of their ganguro children.

2. Nevada-tan- Fucked up 12 year old girl slices the neck and arms of her 12 year old classmate after being called "chubby" on the internet. Japanese men commence masturbating.

3. Hikikomori- Approximately one out of every ten japanese males are gifted with an odd social disorder that keeps them stuck inside their rooms for more or less their entire lives. Their families proceed to completely ignore this loved one and refuse to admit their existence to friends, relatives, neighbors, and even government officials. They do their best to forget about their children or brothers or sisters. Many of these poor fucked up Japanese fucks, if they ever manage to gain the courage to leave their fucked up little Japanese rooms, often develop violent and sexually deviant behavior, due to a complete and total lack of social skills or morals. Did I mention that in Japan, rape is most often punished by a slap on the wrist? It's more or less socially acceptable! Yay!

4. Guro- What's more fun than masturbating to hand drawn pictures of wide eyed crying 12 year old girls with huge breasts depicted with ominous white liquid and red menstral blood leaking down their legs? Why, masturbating to hand drawn pictures of wide eyed crying 12 year old girls with huge breasts depicted with ominous white liquid and red menstral blood leaking down their legs WHO ARE ALSO BEING CHOPPED UP, STABBED, AND MEDICALLY EXPERIMENTED ON! Animated snuff films?! OH-EM-GEE HAWT!!1

5.Battle Royale- Okay, I'll admit it, Battle Royale was just plain fucking cool. The Japanese get points for that. "Die, ugly."
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How to make money... [23 Jun 2005|02:20am]
Jesus Toast.
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[22 Jun 2005|04:12am]
Eve Powell has attempted to phone punk me. I am very dissapointed in her.

She can make it up to me by emailing me the URL of the site I can use to log into that webspace that I gave her 10 bucks or whatever for, though. That'd be good. New windows install = lost favorites.

Also: Nina Gordon.
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[18 Jun 2005|06:35pm]
CLICK ME FOR WIN!!!
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[12 Jun 2005|03:54pm]
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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[22 May 2005|10:32am]
I'm looking forward to the inevitable battle between God and Cyborgs.
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Pixtars of me and ma lady. [06 Jan 2005|05:50pm]
Me:


Me:


Me: (In the top hat. ALso, that is Taylor just to the left of me. Taylor is funnier than God. And even a clown. And even a half-god half-clown monster.)


Miranda:


Me and Miranda:
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A General Update. [04 Jan 2005|06:03pm]
Okay, I have not updated in freakin' forever, and I probably don't have any friends who would read this anyway, but fuck it. So.... Heya. I am still alive and stuff. I am dating Miranda, and have been for a long time, although I know you all know that. Today I bought her an Oogy Boogy (from The Nightmare Before Christmas) puppet and stuffed it full of gummy worms and gummy cherries (since the cherries are her favorite). So yeah. Questions? Comments? Death threats? Feel free.
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Thing [20 Sep 2004|06:44pm]
Q: but what if i cut off too much pubic hair and i'm not pleased with my new, 'doo'?

A: Superglue a brillo pad to it. It will look shiny and give your next conquest a thrilling surprise.
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Hurray for beautiful! [08 Sep 2004|12:30am]
Words cannot express.
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SECRET MESSAGE! [06 Sep 2004|05:10pm]



FIRST PERSON TO FIGURE OUT THE SECRET MESSAGE WINS A COOKIE!
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This took my 4 fucking hours... [31 Aug 2004|04:08am]
Miranda and I went to PAX this weekend. It was fun and all. Got to see Halo 2 and Fable, as well as watch The Wizard with a theatre full of nerds who had no problem with screaming out various quips as the movie played. Actually, it was a LOT of fun. Hell, we even had a good time when we got a flat on the highway on the way to catch our ferry. Sure, we had to wait 2 hours for a tow-truck, but we enjoyed ourselves doing it! So much so, in fact, that I made a little comic about it. A little comic that I started at midnight. It's now nearly half past 4. Hurray for sleeping in!

To help it all make a bit more sense, we entered PAX with 0 Soul Caliber guides, and left with 6 or so. BradyGames was handing them out at their booth, and when the exhibition hall closed, there were several large boxes near all the major entrances and exits labeled "PLEASE TAKE AS MANY AS YOU WANT, WE'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THIS CRAP!" or similar, stacked to the brim with more guides. When we were waiting for the tow-truck to arrive, Miranda suggested that I doodle out a comic about our wait, and I came up with the oh-so hilarious idea shown below. Oh, and I might as well take this time now to apologize for the oh-so-wrong color I used for Miranda's hair, the shitty and uncleaned line art, the crappy text, and the horribly tossed in punchline. Yup, nothing better than standing up for your work, folks. Anyway, enjoy:



OMG STRATEGY GUIDE SATIRE!!!1 WHAT NEW LOWS WILL I SINK TO NEXT?!
Whatever they may be, I'm sure they'll set a good example of what not to do. So stay tuned for more dumb shit by me. I love you all.
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Repost! [26 Aug 2004|03:16pm]






































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I stoled from Miranda [21 Aug 2004|01:35pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

If you and I were alone in a room right now, what would we be doing?

post anonymously..

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[15 Aug 2004|11:00pm]
Ouch. That shit stings.
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Yup... [12 Aug 2004|03:28pm]
Nothin quite like watching japanese movies about zombie gangsters from hell battling samurais and ninjas, dubbed in finnish, and then poorly subbed in English. Good times.

Also, I went with Eve to watch a meteor shower at 3 in the morning. It would have been grand, but we couldn't find where we were going, so we just drove around for 2-3 hours. That was dumb. But it was either that or sleep. Yeah... I should have chosen sleep. But I did see 3 meteors while driving around. So that's pretty cool.

*Update: The Japanese apparently have very different zombie lore from us Westerners. The zombies have now learned to duel-wield pistols. This can only spell certain doom for all of the crazy yet cool gangsters trapped in the 444th portal to hell located in the woods of resurrection. Oh, and some girl got punched in the face. By the hero. Lady-punching heroes kick ass.

*Update: And in Japan, lady-punching heroes can tri-wield pistols while shooting undead fucks!

*Update: HO-LY CRAP! Now there's some vampire guy running around, eating mobster hearts and granting people eternal life! And everybody's memories are fucking up! HO-LY CRAP!

*Update: It keeps getting crazier! A couple of Japanese FBI agents who grew up in Yellowstone National Park are running around shooting innocent civilians who're driving through the woods! And one of them has a bloody stump for an arm! And he doesn't even seem to notice!

*Update: And now, not 12 seconds later, the non-bloody-stump Japanese FBI agent from Yellowstone has somehow pulled the largest sniper rifle I've ever seen out of nowhere and is claiming to be the master of all martial arts! And the vampire guy starting making out with some girl who just tried to kill him, with half of a still-beating heart in his mouth! Then he sucked her blood!

*Update: The movie isn't even half way over, and now the crazy mobster with all the knives is stumbling around the forest with a stab wound from a thumb directly in the center of his heart! And then some other mobster came along and starting slicing open the guys face with his own knives really slowly! And fucking zombies are everywhere!!

*Update: HOLY CRAP! THE MOBSTER WHO WAS SLICING OPEN THE OTHER MOBSTER'S FACE GAVE HIS GUN TO THE MOBSTER WITH THE THUMB WOUND, AND THEN THAT MOBSTER SHOT THE OTHER MOBSTER SQUARE IN THE ASS! AND FUCKING ZOMBIES ARE EVERYWHERE!!

*Update: IT JUST KEEPS ON COMING! ALL HELL BROKE LOSE WITH THE VAMPIRES, THE GIRL AND THE HERO RAN AWAY, THEN THEY HAD WHAT APPEARED TO BE AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION, EXCEPT THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON BECAUSE MY SUBTITLES KICKED OUT AND I CAN'T UNDERSTAND FINNISH WORTH A DAMN!

*Update: A FUCKING VAMPIRE WITH SPIKEY RED HAIR JUST LEVITATED TO THE GROUND FROM OUT OF NOWHERE, THE HERO AND THE GIRL SAID SOMETHING ELSE THAT WAS PROBABLY IMPORTANT, AND THEN THE HERO KARATE CHOPPED THAT BITCH INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS!! AGAIN!!! AND FUCKING ZOMBIES ARE EVERYWHERE!!

*Update: WTF?! THE HERO FOUGHT THE VAMPIRE IN A COOL KUNG FU FIGHT THAT PLAYED IN FAST MOTION, UNTIL HE WAS ABOUT TO LOSE, WHEN THE GIRL WAS SUDDENLY CONSCIOUS AGAIN AND JUST LOOKED AT THE VAMPIRE! AND THEN THE HERO HIT THE VAMPIRE WITH A ROCK TWICE, AND THEN DROWNED THE VAMPIRE, WHO PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO BREATH, ANYWAY!! AND THAT'S ABOUT WHEN I REALIZED THAT THERE WERE A BUNCH OF VAMPIRES RUNNING AROUND IN BROAD DAYLIGHT EATING MOBSTER HEARTS AND MAKING OUT WITH THEIR ENEMIES!! AND FUCKING ZOMBIES ARE EVERYWHERE!!

*Update: AND NOW THE HERO GUY HAS STOLEN A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES FROM THE VAMPIRE AND IS TRYING TO LOOK COOL! AND THE MOVIE IS HALF WAY OVER! AND I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON!!!

*Update: OH MAN! I STARTED PLAYING THE SECOND HALF, AND THE SUBTITLES DON'T MATCH UP AT ALL! AND THEY'RE ALL SITTING AROUND AND THE SUBTITLES ARE GOING CRAZY WITH WORDS LIKE "BECAUSE" AND "DESTINY"!!! So I guess I'll have to finish this thing later...Too bad. My brain was about to explode.
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Joey Sutcliffe loves children. [09 Aug 2004|10:06pm]
I made this picture to cheer up a sad child who is going to miss me because I am kickass. It is a picture of the pokemon "Celebi" beating up Spider-Man, even though I firmly believe that Spider-Man would kick its ass. Enjoy:

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